Innovative Conflict Resolution

Today John Kenyon posted a list of mediation jokes at the Mediate.com site. Most of them weren’t that funny, and as he points out, might not be funny at all to people who didn’t understand mediation principles and language.  The following joke is worth repeating here, but not because it’s funny. Rather, it makes a very important point about the value of mediation and conflict management skills:

A mediator is very pleased the way a complicated commercial mediation is going as over the last few weeks the parties seem to be getting along better and better. But she is concerned that they never seem to get to a final agreement and keep adding new problems. Finally after several more sessions she confronts one of the parties. “I have noticed that every time we get close to a final agreement it falls apart – is this a problem for you?” “Oh no.” he replies “None of us want an agreement. No one wants to stop. You see we are able to get things done in mediation we couldn’t do otherwise.”

While this scenario would be completely frustrating to a resolution-oriented mediator (“the only good conflict is a resolved conflict”), to many of us hearing the above punch line in a mediation would prompt a response of, “Yes! They’re getting it!”

As I’ve pointed out before, often a quick resolution of the presenting issue would leave the underlying issues/interests unresolved, and not provide the parties with any new skills to use for the next conflict.  Mediation has the potential to be an informational and transformative process in which the parties gain a better understanding of each other and themselves, and in which larger issues can be addressed.