Managing Conflict for Church Boards and Committees

The first step in avoiding problem conflicts and building better relationships is to understand that people have very different responses to disagreements, and that some of these conflict styles clash quite dramatically.  Some styles seem to work well together, but in the long run are quite problematic.  If you have to choose between the two scenarios, I think I’d choose the “clashing” styles.

“An element of conflict in any discussion is a very good thing. Shows everybody’s taking part, and nobody left out.” -Elwood P. Dowd, in Harvey

The “No Conflict” Zone

In my prior post, I mentioned that there are some church boards where conflict is almost nonexistent.  There are a variety of causes, but often this is by design.  There are a number of Pastors and Leaders who are so insecure in their role that they cling to their positions (unlike the attitude in Phil. 2:6), and construct a culture where disagreement is discouraged (or outlawed).  You can often spot these cultures by a leader’s use of the phrases “getting on the same page” and “getting people to take ownership,” or referring often to “God’s call on their life.”  Even worse are claims that “God told me,” which is designed to end any discussion, and talks about the evils of “critical spirits.”

The situation isn’t always the pastor’s fault. In many church cultures, pastors and others in positions of authority are put on pedestals or given some sort of special treatment. This creates a desire in many other to be in leadership positions, making them susceptible to compromise or resulting in the suspension of some aspects of critical thinking.  This, obviously is a dangerous situation: An insecure, manipulative (e.g. weak) leader surrounded by co-dependent (weak) wannabe leaders who will agree with the leadership – even if they are wrong – in order to gain or maintain their positions.  Failure in these cultures is seen as a lack of faith or a personal failure, not the failure of the system.

While these cultures may give the impression of being a conflict-free church, nothing is further from the truth.  Conflict still exists, but it is internal conflict within the leaders as they continue to operate in states of cognitive or spiritual dissonance.  These boards then operate without any real critical thinking going on, and faulty thinking (or worse) will not be exposed.

Safe Conflict Zones

I think church board and committee meetings should all be openly declared “safe conflict zones,” where people are encouraged to speak their mind, challenge the wisdom of the Pastor/Leaders, and at the same time be willing to be challenged and proven wrong.  Yes, it’s scary, but it’s growth!

And sure, board meetings will take longer, because there will be more discussion.  But, isn’t the point to arrive at good decisions, and accomplish something positive?

Unfortunately, discovering truth does not seem to be a common human trait – at least it doesn’t appear to be as strong as the need to appear to be correct.  Even scientists, who value skepticism as part of the scientific process, have been shown to ignore evidence that controverts their thinking.  Real truth and a healthy process for growing into truth must be a proclaimed and modeled value in order for people to risk voicing opinions and possibly being wrong.

With a stated and shared goal of finding truth and making the best decisions, rather than being right, Safe Conflict Zones can result in a multitude of benefits.  But this raises the question, “How can this possibly work without every board meeting turning into a free-for-all?”

But, How…

In order for a Safe Conflict Zone to work, people must be trained to understand conflict and how to use it effectively.  Conflict isn’t evil, it’s a tool – it’s only bad if it goes out of control.  Most Pastors should have some idea of how this could work, if they’ve done any premarital or marriage counseling.  It’s all about communication and communication styles.

As people have different styles of communication, people also have different conflict styles.  Some people tend to be more combative/competitive, and others tend to avoid any sort of conflict like the plague.  And, when things hit emotional nerves or get too intense, many people experience a style shift.  Someone who is typically very congenial can suddenly turn into Genghis Khan.  If the board is trained to understand and recognize their own tendencies as well as how to sense others’ styles, problems can be avoided and the discussions can become quite productive, both to the group and to the individuals.

Given a little practice, people will become more aware of their own tendencies to react inappropriately to differences of opinion.  Frank will realize that sarcasm is not helpful and start to catch himself more often, Susie will not play “tortoise” and venture to offer opinions, and Jim will stop agreeing with whatever the Pastor says (when he really disagrees).  As a result, there will be far less hurt feelings and hidden resentment, better decisions will be made, there will be true “buy-in” by the board to the decisions, and this will trickle down to the congregation.

The Key is at the Top

As with any type of business or organization, the key to making conflict productive lies with the Pastor / Leader.  It takes a certain amount of security to allow productive conflict to happen.  Also, the pastor/leader must believe that he/she does not have the only access to truth, and that there is value in others’ opinions.  The pastor must also see that there are long-term benefits to productive conflict that outweigh the initial training and the new process.

The Case for Conflict

We all agree that bad conflict is destructive.  An apparent lack of conflict is also destructive, because there really is no lack of conflict. It’s either open and obvious, or it’s hidden; and hidden conflict is, in my opinion, far more destructive.  How many people disappear from churches for no apparent reason?  Truth is, there’s always a reason, and typically it’s an issue of unresolved conflict (although certainly that’s not always the case).  As someone once said, “wherever two or more are gathered, there is conflict.”  Conflict is a fact of life, as long as we are imperfect beings. Rather than ignore this fact, as many churches tend to do, the best case scenario would seem to be to put conflict front and center, but make it good conflict rather than bad.