How Thinking Styles Affect Communication

Each of us is a unique individual, with differences in background, education, religion, and so on, that impact how we communicate. As good communicators, we do our best to make the information accessible to the other person so they can interpret it as close to our intended meaning as possible. The proper exchange of information is, after all, one of the primary purposes of communication.

Besides the obvious cultural differences which impact our communication, we have different thinking styles that can have a great impact on our ability to communicate with others. As with conflict styles, we are predisposed to a certain style, but we are not necessarily limited to that style. It may take a bit of work, but we can learn how to package what we want to say so that the other person can better receive it.

Example: Carla and Susan

A couple of weeks ago I met with Carla (not her real name) concerning a communication issue she was having with her boss.  Carla was an obvious external processor, and recognized that fact. She needed to bounce ideas off other people, and even more than that, needed to verbalize her thought processes for others.  There’s nothing wrong with this; it is simply how Carla processes information.

She went on to explain that whenever she met with her boss, Susan, she had the feeling that her boss was becoming irritated with her, and she didn’t understand why. From what she had already told me about Susan, I gathered that Susan was quite the opposite from Carla in how she processed information. I commented that Susan appeared to be a “bottom-line” kind of person, and Carla readily agreed. In fact, Susan often used that term when talking to people.

I then pointed out that to a “bottom-line” thinker, having to sit through someone else’s thought processes was indeed irritating, and at times tortuous. It becomes a kind of information-overload; the bottom-line thinker isn’t trying to be rude, they just can’t deal with all of that information, especially if they are busy and don’t understand the purpose of the meeting.And, external processors run the risk of seeming to be “needy” and therefore someone to avoid.

This was all new information to Carla, who hadn’t considered that Susan simply wasn’t able – at least in the context they had been working in – to assimilate the information that Carla was sharing.  I suggested that Carla do 3 things:

1. Whenever possible, present Susan with a bottom-line summary whenever possible. When more information was needed, summarize everything in short bullet-points.
2. Find someone who is also an external processor to talk to.
3. When Carla required some external processing with Susan, ask for a meeting specifically for that purpose. If Susan understood the purpose of the meeting and what Carla needed, she could prepare herself accordingly.

Bottom-Line

If you are having difficulties connecting with someone, whether a boss, a co-worker, neighbor or spouse, take some time to try to recognize what kind of a thinker they are. Are they an extrovert, energized by others, or an introvert who can be quite outgoing, but who needs to suddenly retreat to recharge?  Are they internal or external processors? Do they make quick judgments, or perhaps can never seem to make a decision?

Try to match the other person’s style, or at least be sensitive to it. If that starts working, then let them know who you are, too. Don’t deny your own communication needs, or you’ll soon run dry. But, be aware: not everyone will be capable of meeting your communication needs. Hopefully, though, at least you’ll be able to connect on a better level than before.