Innovative Conflict Resolution

In the 1950 movie Harvey, Jimmy Stewart, playing the main character Elwood P. Dowd, makes the comment

“An element of conflict in any discussion is a very good thing. Shows everybody’s taking part, and nobody left out. “

What makes the line so humorous is that while it first strikes us as somewhat incongruent, we also realize that as odd as it sounds, the statement is quite true.  A conversation about the weather (“My it’s warm today.” “Yes, it certainly is.”) is not only boring, the reason that people talk about the weather is that they don’t really have to be “present;” there is very little engagement required to agree that it’s warm, or that it is raining.

However, if you consider that due to the fact that we each have different frames of reference due to our sex, age, religious beliefs, ethnicity, political ideas and so on, we can see that two people will almost never agree totally on any issue.  To be really “present” and participating in a conversation, we will uncover some amount of disagreement or conflict, as with this exchange:

“My, it’s warm today.”

“Yes, but I really like it warm, as long as it’s not too humid.  And, after last winter, I appreciate a bit of heat.”

Of the two, which do you think represents a more honest and intimate exchange?  While there are many types of conflict which are not enjoyable or productive, when people disagree with you, you at least know that they have heard and processed what you have said.  In this way, conflict is actually a compliment; it is evidence that either the relationship or the topic is worth some investment.  Agreement doesn’t always mean that you are right – it may simply mean that the other party doesn’t care enough to get involved.

Of course, there are always those who love to argue about any topic, but if you consider the people you know and interact with, I think you’d find that the “arguers” are fairly rare; most people dislike conflict, so to actively engage in discussion is really something positive.

So, next time you find someone disagreeing with you, consider the words of Elwood P. Dowd, and realize what a blessing it can be to have a bit of conflict.